WHY AM I UNHAPPY?

Today I had 4 cups of tea and my somewhat artistic mind just keeps on winding. I can't think of anything to do so I grabbed my cellphone tripod and wore my colorful pair of shoes that's filled with sequins and happy prints. I always loved vibrant colors and weird pieces of clothes since I was a kid. I have uncontrollable emotions when it comes to art that I even colored my barbie's hair red using a permanent pentel pen.


I had happy days but like most unique unicorns I had bad ones too. People will dislike you for loving things that they hate. Some may hate anything that they cannot understand. They will criticize you for being different and it will end up telling you to change. Most people have a perfect example of what a person should be and if it won't resemble you of course, they will judge you because you are outside of their comfort zone. Sadly, like any other normal human i changed. I opted for neutral tones, I pretend that I hated too colorful childish things, I chose classy over artsy not because I loved it but it's for the sake of pleasing everyone. I felt miserable, this is not me and it definitely made me unhappy. At first I was unaware of the reason why I felt uneasy and sad most of the time but slowly I realized that I was unable to express who I am and I had a hard time trying to please everyone around me. I lose a part of me and I want it back.


I started to analyze everything and decided to stop giving a sh*t to anyone. It's not easy at first and  was scared to be judged and be hated for who I am. It was quite revolting that I still need to adjust  to everyone's expectations. I had enough and I wanted to be happy and accepting who you are is one way of keeping your life untroubled. I trust myself  in this small step that I am taking and I hope that everything will fall into its right place. Yes, I am uncomfortable right now,  sad and can't stop myself from feeling off sometimes. The good thing is that everything is clear now and I know that I can manage to think on what path to take someday. It's funny how a colorful pair of shoes can make you think deeper in life.


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